


Let me down slowly

by Griffster101



Category: The 100
Genre: Clexa, Comfort, F/F, Friends With Benefits, Hurt, I suck at writing, Jealous Clarke, Sad Clarke, Sad Lexa, clexa sexa, friends to lovers?, idk - Freeform, they have sex, what is this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-10-02 02:27:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17255900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Griffster101/pseuds/Griffster101
Summary: Clarke is ‘secretly’ in love with her best friend. They have sex. Things get complicated and they hurt. Almost happy ending. Sort of? IdkI suck at summaries





	Let me down slowly

**Author's Note:**

> And the Griffster is back with a new story! 
> 
> This is probably the worst thing I have ever written, but keep in mind that this was written between 3-7 am. Haha. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy this piece of crap ;)

It started the way most of these things does; with a drunken kiss. The they had been dancing in the club at New Years, nothing they hadn’t done before, but this time it was different. Clarke had spent months, even years, trying to hide her secret feelings towards her best friend from everyone, so when Lexa had kissed after one too many shots she decided it was to seize her opportunity. 

Sure, they had shared some drunken kisses before, but the way Lexa held her that night felt different from everyone else. It had started off softly, sweet brushes of their lips against each other’s, Lexa gently caressing her cheeks and Clarke resting her arms around the brunette’s waist, pulling her closer.

They slept together that night, and for Clarke, it was the best and worst night of her life. She had dreamed about this for so long, being able to be with Lexa this way, to see her face twist in pleasure as she comes, the little wrinkle on her forehead as her body shakes and stiffens underneath her touch, only to relax seconds later. It was the best and worst night of her life, because the next morning Lexa had freaked out about it, apologized for what had happened and begged for forgiveness for what she referred to as their ‘drunken mistake’. 

Clarke knew her best friend was a player. That is one of the reasons she didn’t act on her feelings. That and that she was scared out of her mind to lose the person who meant the most to her in this world. Sure, she had her other friends. Raven was practically her sister and Octavia was one of her best friends too. But none of them were Lexa. The girl who came off as a smug, collected person. The captain of the schools football team, whose feet girls laid themselves before, but at the same time, she was the dorkiest, cutest little thing. 

The number of girls the girl had slept with didn’t bother her, because she knew that her best friend ‘didn’t do relationships’. No matter how many girls she brought home to fuck in their dorm room, she knew that that would only ever be it for them. A quick fuck and then they would leave afterwards. No one ever stayed the night. It was Lexa’s first rule. Oh well. She was the first one to break that rule, spending the night in Lexa’s bed while they cuddled afterwards and fell asleep together. 

 

That was two months ago. It happened again a few weeks later. Lexa finding her in the crowd of sweaty bodies at a party, dancing close to her, grinding their bodies together before she would kiss her and take her back to their shared dorm. Have her way with her, and be gone in the morning. 

 

It was happening a lot after those two times. Clarke didn’t get it. Why they were doing it, but she couldn’t continue doing it every weekend, not knowing why Lexa always picked her, always looked after her at the parties and always took her home and all the way up to heaven, before leaving the next morning, giving her a sinking feeling in her gut. She was going to ask her. One of these days. But not now. For now she would focus on Lexa’s fingers inside of her, the way she curled them just right, and the way the brunette sucked her nipple into her mouth, slowly bringing her to her peak. 

 

///

 

“Ah.. yes! Baby, right there! Fuck!” Clarke moaned as Lexa worked her fingers inside of her. Quickening her pace and fucking her into oblivion. 

 

“Oh my god! Le-Lexa.. I’m so close...” the blonde whimpered and Lexa slowly brought her other hand down to her clit, rubbing tight circles. Clarke felt her body clenching at the feeling and soon after she wrapped her arms around Lexa, holding her tightly as she screamed the brunette’s name. 

 

Lexa went to lay beside her, an emotionless look on her face. Clarke laid still, eyes close as she tried to catch her breath. She knew what was coming. What to expect now that Lexa had repaid the favor. 

 

“You did it again...” Lexa sighed and Clarke’s eyes opened to look at her. 

 

“I know.. I’m sorr-“ Clarke started but Lexa cut her off. 

 

“You know I don’t like it when you call me that. So why do you do it?” Lexa asked, sounding irritated. Clarke huffed in annoyance, she was probably going to regret this, but she hated the way Lexa treated her after sex. The brunette always found something to be annoyed about, wether it was something the blonde said or did. Clarke was not having it anymore. 

 

They had been doing this for the past five months, the friends with benefits kind of thing, and she hated it. She got the benefits, but she felt like she was losing her friend every time they fell into bed together. 

 

“I don’t know, Lexa. Why do you always take me home to fuck and have your way with?” She shot back and she felt the brunette stiffen beside her. She knew what was coming. This wasn’t the first time they’d had this conversation and it probably wouldn’t be the last time either. 

 

“You know I don’t do relationships, Clarke” Lexa muttered quietly as she went to get up. The brunette went over to her drawer and pulled a T-shirt over her head, starting to get dressed. Clarke could only watch her from the bed.

 

“I know that.” Clarke shot back. “It still doesn’t explain why it happened. I know I agreed to this, but Lexa-“

“I’m done having this conversation” Lexa said as she buttoned up her pants. 

 

“No, we are not! You always do this! It’s like you always expect me to drop everything I’m doing and come running to your bed whenever you please! I’m not like her, Lexa! You know I’m not” Clarke shouted, letting her anger out. Lexa was staring at her in shock. She knew it was a low blow to bring up her best friends ex girlfriend. But she was nothing like that. She knew why Lexa didn’t do relationships. But sometimes it felt like what they were doing, what she and Lexa had was more than just friends with benefits. It was in the pillow talk. The way Lexa would sometimes stay and cuddle her and place soft kisses on her shoulder and just be with her. 

But then there was times like this, when the brunette would shut off completely and leave her right after. Almost dying to get out of the room. She had confessed her feelings once. They were drunk, but she knew Lexa remembers. Even though she claims not to. 

 

“I know you’re not like her, Clarke. Of course I do. But it still doesn’t change the fact that I don’t want a relationship! You knew that when we started this! And you sure as hell should know it now. If it this isn’t what you want, then fine. You know you can always leave. We can stop this right now and go back to the way things were before.” Lexa said angrily, but there was something else to it. She could see it in her eyes. The brunette was scared. 

 

“You know that’s not possible.” Clarke muttered and tried to cover herself up with the blanket. Oh Lexa knew. How well she knew why it was impossible for them to go back to just being friends after this. The brunette only stared at her for a few moments, but for Clarke? It felt like forever. She was drowning in those green eyes. The only thing that brought her out of her thoughts was the sound of the door closing. Clarke started helplessly at it. She knew what she was doing was wrong. She couldn’t force her friend into a relationship with her. But for Lexa to not even acknowledge the thought of them possibly being together? It hurt. Especially since the brunette knew how she was feeling. She clutched the blanket with her fist and a single tear escaped her eye. 

 

////

 

Lexa brought another girl home that night. Clarke had just gotten out of the shower, and was standing in her towel, looking through her clothes as she waited for Lexa to get home so she could apologize for her behavior when the door burst open and Lexa came through the door, lips locked with another blonde girl. Clarke had been frozen in place for a few moments. Had waited for Lexa to notice her. She had told Lexa she would be heading out with Raven and Octavia at eleven, but they had to cancel because Octavia had forgotten about her date night with Lincoln. 

 

Clarke had no idea what to think about this revelation. Was this what Lexa was doing when they were not together? She brought other girls to their place. To fuck them the way she was fucking her? In the same fucking bed? She hadn’t even changed the bed sheets yet. The remains of their mixed orgasms still lingering in the fabric. Was this Lexa’s way of telling her that their arrangement was over? She had no idea. 

 

What she did know however, was that she was done. She was really finally done. She knew Lexa didn’t want her the way she wanted Lexa, but this? This was the last straw. Lexa’s eyes locked on hers, a look of pure shock and horror in them. Clarke didn’t care. She knew they weren’t exclusive in any way, but she had a right to know if there was other sexual partners, if only to keep herself safe. She pulled her Hoodie over her head, dropping the towel and leaving her lower parts on display. She might as well give her one last glance before ending this thing. However, Lexa didn’t look. Her eyes solemnly focused on Clarke’s face. Clarke pulled on a pair of sweatpants and some cosy socks before grabbing her backpack and walking towards the door. 

 

“Clarke-“ Lexa tried. She had no idea what to say. She knew she had hurt her best friend. She wasn’t even sure if Clarke thought of her as a friend anymore. She knew she had fucked up when she saw the silent tears and the slight shaking of her shoulders before her hand disappeared to wipe away her tears. 

 

“Clarke, I’m-“

 

“Don’t forget to use protection” Clarke shot at her, leaning down to lace up her shoes. “And you should probably change your sheets too. You know. Wash away the filth from other girls” she said as a last jab to her before leaving, slamming the door behind her, making the picture of the two of them fall down and shatter into a million pieces. 

 

Clarke managed to keep her tears at bay after that. At least until Raven opened her door and she fell into the warm embrace of her best friend. She let her tears fall freely and hugged her for dear life as the sobs washed through her body. She didn’t need Lexa. At least not the version of her that kept treating her like shit. 

 

///

 

“Raven, please. It has been a week! I need to see her”

 

Clarke woke from her slumber to the shouting from the door. She knew it was Lexa. Of course the brunette was here. Clarke had done a decent job at ignoring her at every cost. She even sent Raven to fetch some of her stuff her dorm room after she had stayed with her for three days. She couldn’t face Lexa. She just had to get over her friend. Simple as that. But it wasn’t that simple. Lexa kept calling her, kept texting her that she was sorry. Clarke had secretly wanted to shoot back a “Why? We weren’t exclusive or anything”, but she knew the brunette would see right through her. 

 

“Well she doesn’t need to see you, so fuck off and leave my best friend alone!” She heard Raven’s shout. She could almost feel the hurting hitch of Lexa’s breath at Raven’s use of term. Only eight months ago she and Lexa were close, almost inseparable at any given time. She would do anything to go back in time to slap herself across the face and yell at her to not let Lexa take her home that night. 

 

“I know I fucked up, okay! Just, please... let me talk to her” she could hear Lexa’s defeated voice, and she almost walk over to them. Almost. 

 

“No” Raven said as she slammed the door shut in her face. 

 

Clarke could hear Raven’s footsteps as she made her way back into the living room. “I’m sorry about that, Clarke. I didn’t mean to wake you up” The Latina said as she sat down next to her best friend, gently pulling her in for a hug. “It will be okay, Griffin. She doesn’t deserve someone like you anyway. You’re too good” she whispered and kissed the top of her head. 

 

If only Raven knew where Lexa was coming from, she would’ve never said that. Lexa deserved everything she had to offer, she just didn’t want it, or didn’t know that she needed it. She may come off as a cold bitch to everyone one else, but Clarke knew. Oh how well Clarke knew. 

 

///

 

Clarke had successfully ignored her for three weeks, and it was almost time for thanks giving break. It was crazy to think that it was almost a year since they first slept together. Or well, eleven months. But same shit. 

She had met with the dean to change her room arrangement for when she got back after the break, and she knew she had to go back there sooner or later. She preferred later. However. Thanksgiving came and went and before Clarke knew it she was back at school after spending a week with her mother and her boyfriend.  
She had the boxes she needed to pack her stuff into, and stood outside the door. It was weird being there after so long, but she knew she had to do this. She only prayed that football practice wasn’t cancelled because she couldn’t face Lexa. Not yet. 

She carefully opened the door and sighed in relief when the room was empty. She placed the boxes on her bed and unfolded one as she started to put her stuff away. She noticed that her bed was unmade, and wondered if Lexa had been sleeping there while she was gone. 

An hour into packing her things she heard the familiar jiggling of keys in the lock and she froze, unable to move as the key turned followed by the squeaking of the door. She didn’t know what she expected to see, but whatever it was, it was not the sight she was met with. Lexa had yet to notice her, but she studied the brunette. She looked tired and beaten. She was limping as she closed the door behind her, and from the looks of it, she had been crying. Lexa turned around and Clarke saw the shock on her face at seeing her back in their dorm. The shock turned into confusion and she stood there not knowing what to say. 

 

“Hi” Lexa breathed as she took a step closer, taking in all the boxes on the floor, and the empty wall above Clarke’s bed that was usually filled with pictures and drawings. Clarke could tell that she had a million questions to ask her, but she couldn’t be here. She couldn’t face Lexa yet. It was embarrassing. She was in love with her best friend, and Lexa was fooling around with other people. 

 

“Hey” Clarke said as she stood up abruptly. Her brain screamed at her to leave and come back later when the brunette would be gone. “I thought you had football practice” Clarke mumbled as Lexa stepped closer to her. She had no idea what to do now that she was face to face with the brunette. 

 

“Yeah... I.. It ended early” Lexa said and put her hands in her pocket. The air was thick around them and Clarke struggled to breathe at their proximity. “What are you doing?” The brunette asked and Clarke wanted to laugh because it was painfully obvious what she was doing.

 

“I’m packing” she said simply and threw some of her sketchbooks into one of the boxes to prove her point. She didn’t know what to make out of the bobbing Of Lexa’s throat as the words hit her. 

 

“Why?” Lexa asked softly and Clarke hated her for making her answer her stupid questions. 

 

“I’m moving out. I... I talked to the dean. Your new roommate will be here in two weeks. I thought they would have told you by now?” Clarke said and by the hurt in Lexa’s eyes she obviously had no clue about this at all.

 

“Y-you’re leaving?” 

 

“Yes. I.. I can’t be here anymore. It hurts.. too much. But oh well. Now you can bring back as many girls as you want right?” Clarke chuckled humorlessly as she turned her back to Lexa. It was too much. 

 

“Clarke-“

 

“Save it. I don’t want to hear it Lexa. I know you don’t do relationships and the whole feelings thing, but you could have told me that there were others. I deserved to know that” Clarke said bitterly as she forcefully shoved some of her things into boxes. She dragged her large suitcase from under her bed and marched over to her closet to get her clothes out. 

 

“There was never anyone else. Okay? Not when I was with you” Lexa tried but Clarke sent her a glare. 

 

“Oh yeah. Tell that to the blondie you were locking lips with a few weeks ago. How did that go by the way? Was she not good enough for you either?” Clarke said as she angrily shoved her clothes into her suitcase, not bothering to fold them.

 

“That was a dumb mistake okay? It didn’t lead anywhere.” Lexa said, raising her voice slightly. 

 

“Yeah? And was I a dumb mistake too? Is that how you refer to all the girls you sleep with? Dumb mistakes?” Clarke but back. She was so hurt and angry and the worst part was that Lexa couldn’t see how bad she was hurting. How much pain she had caused her. “Tell me Lexa. If I hadn’t been here, would you have fucked her?” 

 

“Of course not! And I don’t know! Probably. But I know I would have regretted it if I did!” Lexa shouted before taking a calming breath. 

 

“Yeah? Like you regret sleeping with me? and like you regretted our ‘drunken mistake’. God I’m so stupid! I knew I could never have you that way, and yet I let myself hope, for just a few seconds that maybe... maybe you were feeling it too. But of course you didn’t. I was just another warm body? Wasn’t I? I don’t even know why I believed I was the only girl you were sleeping with those months. I know I should have known it was too good to be true.” Clarke yelled out, tears welling in her eyes and blurring her vision. 

 

“No! Of course not! You were never a mistake to me, Clarke! And I didn’t sleep with her or anyone else while I was with you! This isn’t just my fault! You agreed to our arrangement too because you know that I don’t-“

 

“-do relationships. Yeah, I know Lexa. You’ve told me a thousand times. It’s like a mantra going on inside of your head! I don’t even know why I was stupid enough to fall into bed with you that night! Of course I knew nothing would come of it! And you’re right! I agreed! I did that! My stupid ass did that and now I don’t even know why! That’s a lie. Of course I know why. You just never have the patience to hear me out! But you know what Lexa! I agreed! I agreed because I was in love with you! And I knew she couldn’t go back to being ‘just friends’ after it happened! I am in love with a person who doesn’t even want me and now I’m done!” Clarke shouted at the top of her lungs. Finally letting in all out before sinking to the floor. Covering her face with her hands. 

 

Lexa stood watching as her friend broke down in front of her. She had done that. Clarke was in pain and it was all her fault. Of course she knew Clarke was in love with her, she wasn’t blind. But Clarke deserved so much better than her. Than what she could give her. She loved the girl. She didn’t know in which way, but she loved her nonetheless. She hated herself for causing the girl so much pain, only because of her fear of commitment. She knew that Clarke would never hurt her. But she couldn’t promise Clarke that she would never hurt her. And now she did and it was killing her. She couldn’t let them end this way. 

 

“Clarke..” She said softly as she crouched down in front of her. “Clarke.. I’m sorry” she said and carefully reached a hand out to comfort her, but Clarke flinched away from her touch. Clarke looked at her with her teary eyes and shook her head.

 

“Don’t touch me” the blonde said lowly as she scooted away from her. 

“Clarke, please.. Don’t do this. We can work it out, okay? I know we can. Just please. Don’t leave. I...” Lexa whispered and Clarke looked at her. Really looked at her. “I need you” The brunette breathed and Clarke choked on a sob. “Clarke I need you. I love you Okay. I do. I just don’t know how to do it without hurting you. I know you probably think I’m the biggest asshole on the planet right now, but I can’t lose you. And if we get together... if I let myself fall for you... more than I already have... I don’t know what will happen, but the thought of losing you scares me more than anything.” Lexa said softly and let a tear fall from her eye. 

 

“What are you saying?” Clarke asked with furrowed brows as she studied the girl in front of her. 

 

“I’m saying that... I love you... it’s a very shitty way of telling you and I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness. But I’m here. All in. I don’t want to be scared anymore... I’m here if you want me. As your friend? Girlfriend? Fuck buddy? Whatever you want, okay. But can we just... I don’t want to lose you.” Lexa breathed and scooted closer to the girl in front of her. 

 

“You’re right...” Clarke started, looking Lexa dead in the eye. “You don’t deserve my forgiveness” Clarke said and Lexa tried to mask the hurt in her eyes but Clarke saw it. It was painfully beautiful. “But I’m going to anyway” she whispered and leaned her head on the brunette’s shoulder. 

 

Lexa turned towards her and kissed the top of the blondes head, letting her tears fall freely. 

 

“I hate that I hurt you” Lexa whispered and Clarke hummed. 

 

“Me too. Just... please don’t do it again” Clarke murmured and laced their hands together. 

 

“I can’t promise that Clarke...” Lexa sighed softly and looked down at their hands. It felt good to hold Clarke’s hand in hers. Like they fit perfectly together. She silently wondered how she could have been so blind this whole time. “But..” she whispered and brought their hands to her mouth and placed a gentle kiss on top of Clarke’s hand. 

 

“....I promise I will try”

**Author's Note:**

> Eheheh, so what do you think? Was it worth the read? Have I completely lost it? Should I disappear and never come back? I have no idea. 
> 
> Roast it, love it, hate it? Do whatever. Fuck 2018 and let’s drink to a better 2019! Happy new year folks. I know I seem like a horrible person, but I love that you all take the time to read the shit I post. I’m grateful for ya!
> 
> Peace out!


End file.
